"God Said So" By Sonja Marie

My body lay flat, kissing asphalt for months before I realized, I can't go on like this. Cursing God for taking my favorite grandmother away, holding the weight of my family for their inability to live their dreams and absorbing a world that recycles sadness and despair like it gained strength with each passing phase. At 18 years young, my journey before me looked a little bleak. I did what most humans do, tested mortality boundaries, inviting drugs to regulate the scene and random sex to float the ride. I would say I was going nowhere, quickly.

Spirit entered in my dreams one night through the likeness of my grandmother and she smiled. Forgiving the habits that tried to bury me yet kept the human afloat and mentioned, "it's ok baby, you're not in this alone." I woke up drenched in tears of confusion, delight, sadness and a slice of truth. Knowing something had shifted beyond my control. I was being asked to walk like I had soldiers navigating a road. Prayer became my everything. Intentional stillness became a high like the white lines that used to freeze my mind, instead I was being given internal instructions to find, me.

"Move to California with $200 in your pocket and never look back!"

I did. Completing every quiet suggestion, I was entrusted with larger demands. Make this left, trust this person, write this poem and stand clear of what fear tells you — follow OUR plan.

So, I've learned to listen to a specific tone within. A particular frequency only my Ancestors and Guides could access. It's never bossy or pretentious, ambitious or undoable. It could seem a little unbelievable and against the grain, but the more I listened, the more inner traction I gained. I learned their guidance is to expand the current incarnation, not to suffice a human need. They saw the biggest picture Sonja could never be privy to — so I began accessing them more often. Through sacred spiritual forums such as Wellness Retreats, Native American rituals, Breathwork, I scheduled time together so we could lock in and co-create this ride.

I'll never say it's easy living a spirit-filled life, but the rewards are breathtaking and difficult for this poet to find the words to describe. Life works when we surrender to our own tempo, our distinct rhyme. Trusting myself and the love from the other side led to my only son, my Grammy nominations, my loyal astrology family, good friends and so much more.